Twelve Top Tips for
Christmas
First. Zap your
tolerations
Did you know that it takes energy to NOT do something or
to NOT deal with a situation? Every time we put off some task or chore, we
start using energy to remember to do it. We also use energy to avoid doing it.
1. Make a list of all
things you are tolerating or 'putting up with'.
Big or small. But all
of them are probably things that keep running around in your head as 'I really
need to ..., I can't stand xxx anymore, etc.' Some examples: I really need to:
call the electrician, fix the broken light switch. Keep writing until you run
out of things to write.
2. For each item,
decide the following and take the appropriate action.
(a) It's totally in my
control. Take Nike's advice: Just do it.
(b) I have influence
over this situation. Use your influence to change it.
(c) I have neither
control nor influence. Take yourself out of the situation or accept it.
Accepting it means there is no longer an emotional involvement. You truly
accept it.
3. Keep plugging at
your list until it's gone. Add items as they come to mind or situations arise.
4. Start using this
new-found energy to work on your goals and dreams, the things you really feel
good about, and that will make you feel good about yourself.
Second of all - Quit
when you are ahead
It happens. You hate your boss, but you love your job. Or
you love your boss, but hate your job. Or perhaps both.
I've seen it play itself out in more than one work
situation. In fact, in one situation, I accompanied a client who went to see
her boss and I told her: "He's not going to change. You're going to lose.
Save yourself some misery and quit right now, or change your attitude."
(Quit the job, or quit feeling that way.)
She didn't. She
continued to dig herself deeper into a hole, spending more time and energy on
the personality conflict than on her work, getting worse all the time at her
job ... in what appeared for all the world like "a drop in cognitive
functioning," until, not surprisingly, she was fired. We know emotions can
affect cognitive functioning; that's what Emotional Intelligence is all about.
Are you struggling to find the answer to the issues you
are facing...the solution to your problem could be very simple.
You don't need to
spend another minute of your life getting stressed out, making unfruitful
consultations with others, and basically putting off the things that you need
to do because you are looking for the perfect solution.
All you need is the
courage to say "YES" to what you want, "YES" to
possibilities, "YES" to risks and "YES" to action.
Many times you find
that you not only know the solution to your problem but also what you should do
in that situation. What is usually lacking is the courage to say
"YES" to that solution.
Don't be afraid to say
"YES" to what you feel and know is the right thing for you to do. The
moment you say "YES", your whole attitude will shift with possibility
and you will be drawn to make commitments and take actions that will set things
in motion for you.
Look into
yourself...the solution is usually very simple, it begins with a
"YES" and does not have to be complicated or technical.
4. Feel the fear
When the fear is
really strong, we sometimes look for deep, unconscious motivation for the fear.
This trap is particularly deadly because we all have experienced times when our
fear WAS rooted deep in our subconscious from events early in our lives. Very
often, that type of fear does need some awareness or healing before you can
move past it. The trap is that every time you feel a fear that you can't put
aside easily, you decide it's deep and you need to do some specific work around
the fear. This shifts our focus from the action we want to take to the fear
itself. We start thinking about the fear, what's causing it, and how we can get
over it. The bottom line is that we end up by giving ourselves permission NOT
TO ACT!
Gaining awareness that
your fear is related to the unfamiliarity of the situation may go a long way in
allowing you to face it squarely and do the thing you're putting off. Here are
some additional suggestions to help move you through the fear:
Take a deep breath,
Breathe slowly and become aware of your breathing. As you focus on your
breathing, you will notice that you automatically begin breathing slower and
more deeply.
Focus on the other
people involved. If others are involved, shift the focus from you to them.
A dear friend shared a
story of her early days in estate agency and how her fear of what the clients
were thinking jeopardized her ability to sell. It wasn't until she started
focusing on the clients, and how she could help them through this stressful
time (and anyone who's ever searched for a new home knows how stressful it can
be!) that she was able to turn the business around and enjoy success. Tuning in
to the other people puts a whole new slant on things, allowing our fears to
recede long enough for us to figure out that there's nothing to be scared of!
Blow Up Your Fear
This is an effective exercise that you can do in just a few short minutes.
Close your eyes and
take a few slow breaths. Visualize yourself in your mind's eye in a calm,
peaceful place. Allow yourself to think of the situation you're avoiding until
you can firmly feel the fear around it. 'See' yourself identifying the place
inside you where the fear is (usually the stomach) and put both hands in and
pull it out. Hold the fear in your hands and look at it for a moment. Then
notice that there is a brown cardboard box, just large enough to hold the fear,
on the ground in front of you. Place the fear in the box and close it. Keep
your eyes on the box and see it get larger. As you stand and watch the box
(breathing slowly all the time), see it grow and grow. See it become as large
as you, as large as the room, as large as the house, as large as the town, as
large as the country, as large as the world --- until it grows so large it just
explodes like a balloon. Once it's gone, take a moment to notice how you feel without
the fear. Take a few more deep breaths and open your eyes. [If the fear has
really taken hold, you may need to do this a few times. But each time you do
it, you'll notice that the box explodes at a smaller and smaller size.]
5. Build your self-esteem
Being aware of what
you have accomplished, don't wait for other people to say 'Look at the
wonderful way you did that piece of work. I bet you're proud of yourself'.
Now's the time to do it for yourself
Don't be an unsung
hero - choose a small everyday task, do it well and relish the accomplishment.
What will motivate you through the hard times is being able to praise yourself
for small everyday tasks such as making the coffee, driving the car somewhere,
taking a phone call for someone.
The big things don't
come around often enough ... our 15 minutes of fame. Nor do they last that
long. What we have is a series of little things that we need to appreciate. How
you feel about the things you do will reflect all around you.
Value the small things
you do all day long. When you think about it, taking out the bins on Mondays or
Tuesdays is far "harder" because it's a "thankless" task.
No one notices, no one cares. Winning the promotion gets you lots of attention.
Taking out the 'black bags' is only noticed in its absence. However, it's these
tasks that build character, IF you're conscious about them.
Building your
self-esteem is up to you! Why not get started today?
6. Abundance: Count your
littlest blessings
Everyone feels down
sometimes, and some people feel extremely bad for long periods of time. When we
feel bad, we look for something to help us feel better.
Let me suggest that
when you look for something to help you feel better, look for the littlest
blessings.
Try this exercise over
the next few weeks. Pay attention to times, places and possessions that create
a feeling of abundance for you. Here are some examples - some from my
experience, and some that others have shared: "Throwing balls for the cats
on a frosty morning, feeling nice and toasty in a sweater, hat and gloves"
"Sightseeing in Stratford with a leisurely break in the pub"
"Breakfast in a restaurant with a view" "Calling a friend"
"The latest best-selling novel, waiting in the living room" "Booked
tickets to the cinema" "Finding a bargain" "Living without
a computer"
Think about all the little things you enjoy doing. Write out your
list, then start putting some littlest blessings into each of your days.
Taken together, they will make a whole lot of difference!
What makes you feel
abundant? That's what counts! Your own symbols of abundance will hold a key to
your core values and, ultimately, to your goals and dreams.
7. Make a plan
"Well begun is
half done." We all understand that setting a goal, doing the research, and
making a plan will increase the likelihood that our chosen task will be
successfully completed. Whether it's a home improvement project, a vacation
schedule, or a tricky new recipe, proper preparation will save us a lot of time
and effort.
Start using
Aristotle's ideas today to help you become an excellent human. Make your best
acts your best habits. Learn something new each day. Entertain contrary
thoughts. Begin to undo bad habits. Prepare yourself for excellence.
8. Accept that
uncertainty is a part of life.
Just by doing this,
you'll become aware of your feelings surrounding a decision and put them into
perspective by relating them to your own primeval craving for certainty.
Realize that even with
the best analysis, careful planning, and due diligence, the outcome can never
really be known in advance and there comes a time when you've got to take the
risk and move forward.
Ask yourself:
"What's the worst that can happen here?"
Look at the worst-case
scenario, and ask yourself what you'd really lose from it. Most often, it's a
lot less than you might have feared.
And what can you do if
the worst-scenario was to materialise? Could you backtrack? Change direction?
Start again? Few things are ever truly final.
Usually you'll find
you've got nothing to worry about.
Finally, act. Just do
it. Take the next step.
Making a decision and
acting on it is enormously liberating.
You get a sudden burst
of momentum as you cast off the shackles of procrastination and finally move
forward towards your goal.
The old maxim.
"If in doubt, leave it out" is essential advice when driving or
engaging in other hazardous activities.
For most decisions in
life, though, you can afford to take a little risk and start living.
9. We are what we
repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
Hmm. What is that you
repeatedly do? Say hello to people on the street, let another car into a busy
street in front of you, leave nice tips for frazzled waitpersons, read to your
children, phone your elderly aunt? What do your habits say about you? Is that
the message you want to send?
How can you change
your habits or adopt new ones to reflect your desire to become more excellent?
What excellent acts can you do repeatedly so that they become a habit? What can
you do TODAY to intentionally start a habit that will lead to excellence? Pick
something simple and just get on with it.
10. Rapacious
learning is the best provision for old age
What are you learning
these days? How are you spending your free time? Take a look at how you are
including learning in your daily life. Do you read? If so, are you learning
from it? Do you watch television? Yes, it can be educational, but seriously
analyse your viewing habits and see if you can't incorporate more learning and
less vegetating.
Don't pick something
boring. Choose ways to learn that excite and inspire you. A cooking class -
through your local community college? A new sport? A stack of library books on
a country you're hoping to visit someday? Pursue your interests with a passion,
and you will always continue learning. This definitely qualifies as a habit
that leads to excellence! Promise yourself you'll always have interesting
things to talk about when you are old-and I don't mean ailments and treatments!
Learn now how to ignite your own curiosity and pursue learning as a lifelong
adventure.
11. What lies
in our power to do, also lies in our power not to do.
Ah, yes. Bad habits?
You can change them. If you had the initiative at some point to do something,
you can choose to stop doing it. This goes for overeating, smoking, drinking,
and all the usual bad habits.
It also hold true for
things we don't even think of as habits anymore -watching too much television,
driving instead of walking, reading nothing but celebrity magazines, gossiping,
spending too much time shopping, etc. If you haven't always done it, you don't
have to continue doing it. You do have the power to make changes.
Keeping your eyes squarely on this moment may be one of
the most positive things you can do for yourself. There are scores of articles
on why to live in the moment, but I thought it would be helpful for you to
recognize the 6 Signals that you're doing it successfully!
1. You feel fully
present and alive. It's an 'all systems go' kind of feeling. You seem to know
exactly what's going on in every cell of your body. Your senses are sharp and
alert to everything going on around you.
2. There is a complete
absence of fear or guilt. When you feel guilt, you are focused on the past;
when you feel fear, you are focused on the future. This moment, the one right
here, you can handle this one.
3. What you do feel is
a sense of calm and focus. Even with 'all systems go' as described above, you
feel connected to your wisdom.
4. You can see the
trees, but feel connected to the forest. There is a big difference between
living 'for' the moment and living 'in' the moment. Living 'in' the moment
implies there is a plan for the future. You know the direction in which you go
and how what you're doing now (the trees) brings you towards that future (the
forest).
5. You are conscious
of each choice you make as you go through your day, and recognize that life is
created through these 'little' choices, or non-choices, for that matter. You
experience joy with each choice you make.
6. There are no awkward relationships. When you are fully present
in the moment, the past slips off your shoulders. This is true even if you have
not yet completely healed the past. When you are fully present in this moment,
you allow the other person to be fully present in the moment, and you see them
as they are now, not as they used to be. (This can often be the beginning of
your healing).
Ó
Margaret Stead 2003